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Jun 11, 2023

When Grandparents Become Parents Again

Jan and Larry Mathis with the granddaughters they adopted; photo by Michael Rodriguez It all started with a text. Jan and Larry Mathis were eating breakfast just after 6 a.m. one morning in 2016 when

Jan and Larry Mathis with the granddaughters they adopted; photo by Michael Rodriguez

It all started with a text. Jan and Larry Mathis were eating breakfast just after 6 a.m. one morning in 2016 when Jan’s phone pinged with a message from their daughter-in-law in Wisconsin: “Come get the girls,” it read. “Come get the girls, now.”

The couple, who were nearing retirement, had been preparing to golf later that morning and replied immediately: “Are the girls OK?” Jan soon learned that her daughter-in-law was having thoughts of suicide. She hadn’t been home in three days and their granddaughters, then ages 11, 8 and 5, hadn’t even realized they were alone. Their dad, Larry’s son, was in jail in Texas on drug charges.

“Madison, the oldest, had been feeding them and getting them up and off to school,” Jan says, explaining that she thought mommy was just in her room with the door closed. “I called Madison and said, ‘Grandpa is coming to get y’all. Do you have suitcases?’”

They didn’t, so Jan instructed Madison to pack whatever she and her sisters, Teagan and Raylan, could fit in their backpacks.

Larry, meanwhile, was on the phone with Southwest Airlines. He wanted to ensure he got to his granddaughters before Child Protective Services found them and put them in someone else’s care. Within an hour he was on a plane. Larry’s son and the kids’ mom are both veterans, who suffered from PTSD following military deployments, and the condition had only worsened when their fourth daughter died of SIDS a few years earlier.

With Larry en route, Jan posted in their neighborhood Facebook group that they were about to take in their three granddaughters and didn’t have anything for them. Would anyone have hand-me-down clothes to share? Their front porch was soon full of clothing, toys and stacks of Beanie Babies.

The couple bought beds in the days to come and began to settle into a new routine. They would soon gain conservatorship of the children and go on to adopt the kids.

What they didn’t realize, however, was that because the girls had never entered foster care, they didn’t qualify for any benefits or support.

The adoption alone cost $20,000 (Jan estimates it would have been closer to $1,200 per child if they’d adopted through foster care). Along with no stipend to cover basics like food and clothing, the girls didn’t qualify for counseling, the Children’s Health Insurance Program (CHIP) or college tuition assistance like is provided to foster kids in Texas.

“We’re very fortunate that (we can provide for them), but there are a lot of grandparents who are raising grandkids and they can’t even afford to feed them,” Jan says. “I strongly feel that these kids deserve the same benefits as foster kids. It’s not about putting money in my pocket. It’s about giving them health care, college, counseling.”

Jan and Larry Mathis with their granddaughters•••

In 2022, a little more than 40 percent of children removed from their homes by CPS in Texas were living in a kinship placement, which means with a relative, like their grandparent, or a close family contact, such as a neighbor (known as fictive kin). Numerous studies have shown that children tend to have better behavioral and mental health outcomes when placed with family. Kids living with relatives are also much more likely to remain in that placement. When in non-relative foster care, 39 percent of children in Texas move two or more times in any given year, according to the Annie E. Casey Foundation Kids Count Data Center, which often exacerbates behavioral and educational issues and makes it tougher to maintain ties to the people and places they once knew.

Angela White, president and CEO of Child Advocates of San Antonio, says if a child can’t live with their parents, other family members are the next best option. “There’s a culture, a sense of belonging—there are deep roots planted there,” she says.

Knowing that, Mercedes Bristol, founder and executive director of the San Antonio nonprofit Texas Grandparents Raising Grandchildren, says she can’t understand why state lawmakers don’t do more to support grandparents and other relatives.

When a grandparent takes in a child from foster care, they qualify for $12.67 per day for each child for up to a year if they’re living at less than 300 percent of the federal poverty limit (which means less than $59,160 for a two-person household).

Certified foster parents, in contrast, receive $27.07 per day, or more if they’re caring for children with higher needs.

Grandparents and other relatives can receive that higher rate if they complete certification classes and home studies required of foster parents, but Bristol says the barriers to doing that are too high for many grandparents. The classes that must be completed can be difficult to attend whether because of transportation issues, the absence of time when working and caring for young children, or a lack of funds for childcare. Plus, many take in their grandchildren at a moment’s notice and aren’t living in a home that was meant for multiple kids. Passing a home study can require making changes, or, in some cases, being forced to move somewhere with more space—all of which can be too costly.

Like the Mathis family, many grandparents are caring for their grandchildren without a formal CPS placement, which means no option for benefits exists. Bristol calls those kids “hidden foster children” and says estimates show that for every one child raised by kin in foster care, there are 24 living with kin outside of the formal system. Of the 1,600 grandparents her organization has served, about 70 percent had no CPS case and therefore no financial assistance.

White says even when there is a CPS case, many grandparents who’ve taken in grandchildren are hesitant to ask for help or don’t know assistance is available. CASA volunteers, who act as advocates for kids when their case goes before a judge, work to let caregivers know what resources are available, whether state funds or clothing, car seats and other necessities that local nonprofits like Vault Fostering Community, can often help provide.

“They think, ‘Well, it’s my granddaughter, I shouldn’t have to ask for help,’” she says, “But it’s there for them and it’s there for that reason, it shouldn’t be seen as shameful to ask for the help that’s needed.”

Bristol says her organization also refers grandparents to places that can provide support. Her own experience and lack of resources drove her to create the organization in the first place. Bristol’s five grandchildren were placed with her by the state over a decade ago. She was not a licensed foster home, and with a full-time job, commute and five children in different schools and daycares, taking certification classes was not feasible.

She applied for a one-time, $1,000 Temporary Assistance for Needy Families grant to help with the expense of things like beds but was turned down because the value of her car was too high.

Four of her five grandchildren were diagnosed with ADHD and one with PTSD. After two years of struggling, Bristol thought there had to be other grandparents out there like her who she could at least talk to.

“For a while, I thought, ‘I don’t know if I can do this,’” she says. “It was a lot.”

She started a support group that met at the Northside ISD school her grandkids were attending and her organization grew from there. It’s now a nonprofit that hosts support groups and connects grandparents with resources throughout Texas. Bristol has also become a vocal advocate for change at the state level.

“It doesn’t matter how much food or stuff you give us,” says Bristol, who still has three grandchildren living at home. “If we don’t change policies, grandparents are always going to be in need.”

•••

State Rep. Barbara Gervin-Hawkins and State Sen. José Menéndez, both San Antonio Democrats, say they support removing the requirement that grandparents complete foster care licensing to receive higher reimbursement rates. Gervin-Hawkins filed a bill during the last session that would have done just that, as well as allowing for payments to kinship to continue past 12 months if the child remains in their care. That bill, along with other similar legislation, gained little traction and was ultimately left untouched when the session ended. It was also not added to any special session agendas by Gov. Greg Abbott, despite Gervin-Hawkins’ requests.

One bill that did pass will make it easier for families to receive SNAP (food stamp) benefits. Before, a family could be disqualified if their first vehicle was worth $15,000 or more (and if subsequent vehicles were valued at $4,650 or higher)—a similar requirement to the one that disqualified Bristol from a TANF grant. Now, the first vehicle can be valued up to $22,500 and subsequent vehicles up to $8,700.

While that will help families who were having to decide between keeping their running car—which is needed to get kids to school and appointments—and qualifying for assistance with groceries, Bristol says it’s not nearly enough.

Menéndez, who has met with Bristol and other grandparents multiple times, agrees the state should do more, particularly with the number of grandparents living on Social Security while caring for kids.

“We should put them on par with foster families—especially because we have such a lack of foster families and have children without placements,” he says.

Even if a family is caring for grandchildren outside the system, Menéndez says he believes some assistance, particularly mental health care and education support, should be available. Unfortunately, he says, the political will to do so simply isn’t there.

“We have a state that prides itself on its conservativeness, so it wants to have a small budget every session,” he says. “It’s been frustrating to not see these advances.”

Gervin-Hawkins says she’ll file her bill again next session and will continue to champion it until it passes.

Denise Smith, a caseworker at Grandparents Raising Grandchildren who is raising three of her grandkids, was one of those grandmothers who struggled to pay bills when the kids were first placed with her. One of her grandsons has complex medical needs and those first few months, she was taking him to appointments nearly every day while still caring for her own teenage children. CPS, she says, provided little guidance. Smith believes CPS needs to at least offer case management for caregivers so that families like hers can be better supported with resources when they have financial and other needs.

CASA’s White adds that without funding, some kinship placements aren’t able to keep children in their care, which is exactly what more support would prevent. She understands expanding benefits to grandparents whose grandkids don’t have CPS cases opens up more opportunity for fraud. But, she says, children need to be the priority. “Look after these kids and the families that surround them and love them,” she says. “Poverty in and of itself should not be a reason for removal.”

•••

Jan and Larry Mathis wouldn’t make a different decision knowing what they know now. They just wish there was more support.

“I wish I had known how much it would change our lives,” Jan says. “I would never say don’t do it. I would never let these kids be in the system, but it sure did change our lives.”

Since retiring, finding insurance has been an issue since their granddaughters can’t be added to their Medicare plans. The girls have also required counseling at different times, which costs $130 out-of-pocket each session. Larry works as a bus driver for NISD to help cover extra costs.

Jan and Larry live on 2 acres in Northwest San Antonio in the same home Larry’s parents owned for decades. It’s a frequent gathering place for extended family and has allowed the Mathis girls to remain connected to cousins, aunts and uncles.

Still, Jan says each granddaughter has her own struggles. Madison wants nothing to do with the mother who left her while Raylan, the youngest, doesn’t understand why her mom won’t at least call on her birthday. Their dad, now out of prison, does visit on holidays.

“I tell them their mother made the hardest decision a mother could ever make and that is turning over her children for somebody else to raise, so that they could be successful,” Jan says.

That has resonated with Madison, who testified before the state during the last legislative session that she “couldn’t be more grateful” for the opportunity her grandparents have given her to succeed. She graduated from Health Careers High School this year and earned a full ride to Mercy College in New York, where she’ll start in the fall. “They were willing to sacrifice everything to give us a better chance. And they have,” she told lawmakers.

Jan knows they’re fortunate. They’d saved for retirement and paid off their home and though it’s certainly not easy—they’re still figuring out how to cover the cost of housing not included in Madison’s scholarship—they’re able to provide. Many of the grandparents Jan has met through Grandparents Raising Grandchildren are struggling to simply purchase groceries.

Like Bristol, she says she’ll continue to seek policy changes knowing that even if it doesn’t happen in time for her granddaughters, it will benefit many families.

“We as grandparents meet the definition of fostering—which is bringing up a child that is not one’s own by birth,” she says. “Our grandchildren deserve and need help and benefits, as well.”